Week 11: A Trail of Tears

Let me start by stating that throughout my entire life I have been a crier. I can recall the people over the years who have commented on my tears, "Why do you cry so much?" Teachers who would comment, "Oh don't worry, she's just a crybaby... she cries over everything." I was told to "buck up, quit being such a sissy." Until recently I've often felt like I've had to hide my tears, those tiny globes of wetness dribbling down my cheeks a blinking neon sign of weakness and vulnerability.

Now I'm beginning to understand that I'm a bit of an empath, or someone who is very empathetic, and this is why I cry easily. I take on the emotions of others, especially pain; it's one reason why wakes just wipe me out. I walk in and am overwhelmed with a sense of sorrow, even if I didn't know the person well {then I look like an asshole crying over someone I may have met once in my life.} But I just can't help it- I take on the pain of the people in the room. It sounds odd and I often don't understand it myself but it's who I am.

The picture above was last week playing outside on a super nice evening Mother Nature blessed us with. I spent the last week keeping my son, my little pal, close to me. That week, the week of March 13th, was an emotionally difficult week for many after learning of the earthquake in Japan and the subsequent tsunami. Being an empathetic person death, even if occurring miles away to people I don't know personally, hits me hard. I can't help but, in my mind, put myself in their shoes. I read an account of a mother who clung desperately to her child, only to have the waves from the tsunami wash her baby away. Images like that don't leave my mind easily or quickly. I will remember that horrific account forever. It is unimaginable to me how that woman's heart will ever be able to survive, and I pray somehow God can ease her mind and heal her soul because now part of her heart is gone forever.

And that is why I clung to my baby boy last week {yes, at 16 months old I called him "my baby;" PJ will always be my baby- even when he's nearly 6 1/2 feet tall and ginormous like his daddy} just so I could feel the soft cuddly weight of him secure in my arms. To wrap him in my embrace with my cheek against his soft little wobbly cheek whispering to God my thanks in blessing our life with our son with an added plea that in this crazy chaotic world full of war and sadness to please keep my baby safe from harm.

Yes I do know there is good in the world. Usually it's what I concentrate on, staying positive and optimistic. But at times when the leader of a country is slaying innocent men, women and children out of crazed madness- people who simply want to be free and no longer under the thumb of a murderous dictator- plus ongoing strife in foreign lands... our world is in a time of upheaval and it's hard not to contemplate such things. I'm the type who can't stick her head in the sand and tune back to whatever is the hit show of the moment to alleviate my worries over the world in which my child will grow.

People will say, "Well if you can't change it then don't worry about it." I wish I could but I don't have an "off" switch for my brain. I have conversation with the Lord, one way conversation but still, contemplating what His role is in all of this... it's a wonder my head doesn't explode.

I feel I can change it, somehow. Here's an example of something that bugs me: the hatred in Yahoo comments, you know, at the end of a news article on Yahoo people can leave comments, and often they are filled with illiterate people who are seething with hatred. I can change that just a bit by teaching my son not to hate, by being a good role model of tolerance to him and his future little friends. To teach him to respect people who are "different." To have unconditional love for himself and others.

In my heart I am a quiet revolutionary, and now that I have a child of my own to teach, guide and nurture maybe I won't be so quiet for much longer.

I am tired of apologizing for my tears.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." ~Washington Irving

Weeks 8-10: I'm SO Behind!

"Sunlit Sweetheart"

I'm realllly behind on my blog! So SO behind that I'll never catch up on the lost weeks {although I keep telling myself I will and then I fall even farther behind!} So I've decided to just cover a few weeks in one blog and then get back on track next week.

How does a month flash by so quickly? In my life a month feels like a week. It's actually a bit scary how fast time passes! But while time does pass by quickly I refuse to let it get the best of me, especially when it comes to PJ. I spend as much quality time as I can with him, making memories for both him and me. I don't let time whiz by us so swiftly that I don't make the most of it.

In the last few weeks a lot has happened! I do try to take pictures along the way. I love my Rebel DSLR but I also bought a small Lumix ZS5 point and shoot to keep on me at all times; sometimes it's just not convenient to carry the Rebel with me {along with a diaper bag, coats, etc.}  Here's a few things I/we did.

I painted my nails.  I haven't painted my nails in like, forever.  PJ's confused over the bright red on the tips of my fingers.

Notice the desk heaped full of stained and stamped metal and the rest of my magical jewelry tools.

PJ and I made another trip to Borders. I love having baby dates at Borders!

We'd finally had enough of being cooped up inside so me and my toot went out on a chilly morning and played outside.  We go for a  lot of walks when the weather permits and then later PJ usually runs around the yard like a little maniac!  He loves being outside just as much as momma does.

Sometimes we just hang around the house of the weekends.  PJ loves his toys.  He spends a lot of time on the floor with his trucks, blocks and books.  When we were at Borders we picked up a new book, "Go Dog Go."  It is absolutely adorable; he loves all the colorful dogs driving cars and wearing scarves!

 

Then it's time for sips- working up a thirst means it's time for a Capri Sun!

 Can you believe that in the midst of all this fun and entertainment I did manage to make a new necklace?

I'm very happy with this design; I've been trying to find a way to incorporate my photography into my jewelry.  Here I used a snapshot of a butterfly {the wing} I took and made it into a pendant. 

Oh, and at least one of us reads the paper, paying special attention to the exciting crossword puzzles.

I love my weekends spend with my family, and I have a sneaky suspicion PJ does too.  What do you think?

Week 7: Fun! {David Garrett}

I'm a little behind in my blog posts so forgive me as I catch up.  Week 7 was a great week!  I really don't have anything witty or philosophical or creative to write for this blog post.  I'm a week behind on my posting due to being busy and being tired.  I've been relaxing in the evening after putting PJ to bed so I haven't delved into anything new creatively.  I read a few books, including Jane Eyre.

What I DID do week 7 was have the pleasure to see David Garrett, the extremely talented {and handsome!} violinist, perform live at the Chicago Theater.  Not only did my friends and I have first row tickets but we also had meet and greet passes so, yes, after the concert we met David.  He was very... well, adorable.  Quiet nature with an OMG beautiful smile.  *sigh*

The show was fantastic; his playing is phenomenal.  I truly had a great night with some good friends.  Our evening started with dinner at Al Primo Canto, a Brazilian steakhouse.

Where we enjoyed a wonderful family style dinner of appetizers, pasta, salad and tons of tasty meat!  The prices did not exceed our budget and the food {and service} was incredible.  I highly recommend it and can't wait to go back.

I ordered a Brazilian cocktail, a Caipirinha.  Very tasty!

My friends and I...

Because I was looking forward to meeting David I couldn't boast my normal "mom style" of baggy jeans and the same boring black top so I popped a flower in my hair and hoped for the best!

It really was a night to remember!  I had such a wonderful time!  A few more pictures of this amazing performer.  I have to give a shout out to my new little Panasonic Lumix zs5.  It captured some wonderful memories!

The passion in his playing is heart wrenching {as so are those full soft lips!}  *double sigh*

Week 6: Suspension of Disbelief

This is actually a picture of my son looking out the front window at the snow.  I've had the picture of the window tucked away for a while and used it to create this fantasy image of PJ The Butterfly {waiting for his mommy to let him outside to play with all his little butterfly friends.} 

There is a story I would tell my son when we went for walks last summer and fall concerning the numerous dragonflies that seemed to be wherever we were: in the yard, on the fence, on the antena of my car, in the flowers, etc. etc.  Dragonflies were everywhere last year!  A few of them even landed on me: my finger, arm, allowing for some great photo opportunities!

The story is about a kingdom of the past, a land that was inhabited by fairies of every shape, size and color.  Beautiful fairies with huge glorious wings that were iridescent and when caught the light glimmered like jewels in the sun.  These fairies were known for their wings which were very precious and worth their weight in gold.

This kingdom of fairies reigned in peace for hundreds of years with no enemies.  Their leader was the Fairy King and he was kind, fair and good.  The fairies in the kingdom got along perfectly well with the wood nymphs, the mermaids and the unicorns of nearby neighboring lands. Occasionally the elves in the next kingdom over could be a bit of a problem because they liked to play their harmonicas too loudly but it was nothing the fairies couldn't handle.  They all worked together to create a sweet little life for themselves.  There were shoemaker fairies and baker fairies and clown fairies and jewelry fairies and chocolate maker fairies and market owner fairies... in other words, a fairy for everything that was needed to make a kingdom run smoothly and happily.

During the day they gathered the harvest from the fields, crops of the tiniest most delectable strawberries and the sweetest of corn {it would taken 10 fairies to harvest one ear of corn and they ate it kernel by kernel because they were so tiny.}  They took buttercups and used them to collect the morning dew to drink, and at night they would have mini festivals where they sat together to celebrate the wonderful day they'd experienced together.  They sang the song of the Fae and played their tiny lutes and good times were had by all.  Every day was a celebration in the kingdom of fairies.

Until one day a darkness fell upon the land.  A terrible and most wicked of Wicked Witches learned about the fairies and their precious wings.  She cast a spell over the fairy kingdom which placed an invisible net all around the land so no fairy could escape.  Immediately fairies became trapped in the net.  Luckily their friends were able to help them escape but no fairy could flee from the kingdom.   The fairies were terrified.  All celebration came to a screeching halt and none of the wee creatures would even venture outside of their homes for fear of being caught.  For fairies this is a fate worse than death- to be deprived of the gift of nature.

The witch's second spell was to coat all the flowers and fields with a stickiness that would capture the fairies, trapping them so the Wicked Witch could grab them and snatch off their wings to sell, leaving the poor little fairies to die.  This witch didn't care at all about the welfare of the sweet fairies who had lived together happily for years.  All that was important to her was selfishness and greed.  She would obliterate a species of creature purely for the sake of capitalism, killing them off forever.  Extinction.  How sad.

But what the Wicked Witch didn't realize was her sister, The Very Good and Happy Witch, knew about her evil sister's plotting and would do everything in her power to stop the madness.  She couldn't banish the spells but she could counteract them with white magic of her own.  She plotted and pondered until she came up with a plan but it was a plan that would change the fairies' lives forever.

She would cast a spell upon the fairies, transforming them all into dragonflies.  They would be disguised so the Wicked Witch wouldn't recognize them.  They would also be so small they could fly through the netting and escape to find a new and better land for themselves.  After consulting with the King {they were a democracy, of course} the fairies agreed this could be their only hope and asked The Very Good and Happy Witch to work her magic upon them.  That night, before the enchantment was to begin, the fairies had the hugest celebration in the history of celebrations: The Celebration of Life.

And the next morning as they began to awaken... they felt different.  Lighter, like air.  Even more ethereal than they had been as fairies.  As they threw off the covers and lifted into the air the first thing they noticed was their wings were even more beautiful than before.  Shining and glimmering in the morning light they buzzed from house to house greeting one another in excitement.  Inspecting themselves in droplets of morning dew they realized that while they looked different they felt the same if not better!

So the dragonflies flew off to find another kingdom where they flourished and lived happily ever after all the way up until today.

The End        

So... whenever you see a dragonfly remember with those beautiful wings- they are really fairies in disguise!

...............................................................................................................................

Ah Imagination... how I love thee. Remember when we were children and anything was possible?  When we believed in Santa Claus and The Tooth Fairy?  Oh how easy it was back then to believe.  Just trust and believe.  We really didn't know any different, did we?  Blissfully unaware.

Wouldn't you love to revert back to that old childhood state of mind?  To stop the constant questioning of motives, debunking of facts and overall skepticism of everything that is beautiful in the world.  To readily believe in what some call the unbelievable: UFO's, ghosts, fairies, magic... even honest politicians.

In other words, a lack of cynicism.  

If my ancestors were alive and were asked about things that go bump in the night, like ghouls and vampires, they would chastise us for not believing.  What made them wrong and us right?  I'm sure they had their reasons to check the graves of loved ones close to sundown to assure all was well- making damn well sure to exit the premises before the sun fell too far behind the horizon.  Who knew what lurked in the dark shadows of night?     

What happened to the magic in living?  Too many of us live in the past or the future and let the now just pass us right by and that's no way to live.  God didn't bless us with the gift of creation {and the ability to create} to throw it all away in the chaos.  Okay, so Santa wasn't real.  Or wasn't he?  For those few blissfully innocent years that you did believe, wasn't the old jolly fat man much more than just a figment of your imagination?  Who says that just because we grow to become adults we must leave all the open-mindedness behind?  I, for one, refuse to do so.

Santa rocks. The Tooth Fairy and I have tea on Tuesdays, and that darn Easter Bunny keeps stealing all my eggs and hiding them in my house...

It's called Suspension of Disbelief.  The cut and dry version goes like this: to be able to enjoy fiction we, as the audience, must be able to believe in the unbelievable; we must suspend what we would normally believe to be true, allowing ourselves to accept the fiction.  If a person is unable to do this then he will have a hard time getting lost in a good book or really becoming engrossed in a film.  Instead he'll notice things such as "dogs can't fly" or "cat's can't read" until he's ruined any possibility of a story.

Revel in the fantasy!

So, once again- Suspension of Disbelief.  We all have the ability to do it, and some of us do it more than others.  I myself am a dreamer.  I don't read a book; I live it.  I don't watch a movie or listen to a song- I fall in love with it.  Characters become my best friends.  I don't just live my life... I create it.

I own a healthy and robust imagination, and I put it to good use.  I abuse it really... I love to read, and I'm a writer.  As an artist {jewelry, drawing, photography... a dabbler of all and a master of, ah, ahem.  let's just leave it at that shall we?} I enjoy being this way.  I often heard as a child, "Oh get your head out of the clouds {or out of that book} and face reality!  But where's the fun in that?

Obviously, thank God, I didn't listen :)

My wish for you, my readers, is to practice suspending your disbelief.  Live like a child.  Dream like a child.  Believe like a child... Love life like a child.  Appreciate the little things in life like a child.  Once you begin noticing the wonder in the world around you {again because you used to do this- I promise you did} I guarantee you will thank me for it!

Week 5: Morning Moon

And no I don't mean my husband's cute little booty as he makes his way to the shower in the morning.  I took this picture of the very early morning moon last week as it peeked through the trees and I thought I'd share it.  I can't help but admire the ethereal moon as it peeks through the bare winter tree limbs.  Eerie, really- kinda gives me the shivers!

I'm usually an energetic and hopeful woman.  This past week, though, was an entirely off week for me, and I'm glad it's over.  It's been a long time since I've experienced a week as icky as last week actually.  It was nothing and everything, small moodiness and large sadness.  Apathy wrapped my brain in heaviness, and there is nothing I hate more than that dull feeling of listlessness.

A good part of it is this dark dreary weather.  Going more than a few days without sunlight affects me badly, no matter how hard I try to deflect the blues.  We had a bright sunshiny day on Friday but with a meeting scheduled through the lunch hour I wasn't able to get out to soak up the rays.  I hear the sun may peek through three weeks from next Sunday.

I am confident this next week will be different {although I'm hearing we're supposed to get a blizzard.}  I'm sure the lethargy of last week was a passing phase.  A few things happened last week that I'm sure affected my mood:

1) My week started with being told {by two males I should add} that I should close the boutique I opened with a friend.  The very same business that has only been opened for two months- the one we put loads of time, money, effort and spirit into.  It was requested of us actually, and neither one of us are happy about this prospect.   The reasoning behind the request is that we're not making enough money.  In January.  After Christmas.  Right.  Did I mention we've only been open for two months?  Hmph.  This is now on my mind.  Decisions need to be made. It's rough and can be a blow to the ole' morale when something optimistic and positive turns into a big pile of crap in the blink of an eye.  Men don't understand the concept of a boutique!

2) Moody!  I hate feeling so emotional, especially with no apparent reason why.  No, I'm not pregnant although the last time I felt so tired and moody was in my first trimester.  My son did recently stop nursing and I think my body/whoremoans are having a hard time adjusting.  Oh, and my heart is also not adjusting well to the fact that my baby boy is maturing at a rate previously unknown to man.  Our cuddle time is diminishing... because he want to play play play!  He loves his toys and while it's thoroughly adorable to watch him so engrossed in playing I do kinda miss the days when I could just hold him in all his warm, soft baby-smelling wonderfulness in my arms for hours while admiring his beautiful little self.  Now I might have a split second while he's blinking to hug him tight before he pops out of my arms like a little greased monkey!   

3) On Friday I found out that an old high school friend passed away.  I hadn't seen him in twenty years, unless you count being friends on Facebook.  John and I had math classes together, and he helped tutor me because I was horrible in math {I still am although with John's help I was able to pass my classes.}  I've always remembered him with fondness because he was an exceptionally friendly and sweet boy.  I'm sad to learn than his life as a grown man is over, and way too soon.

Week 4: Perspective

How do you view the world? Be honest. Is it through rose-colored glasses, concentrating on the positive, or are you a "glass half empty" kinda person?

Do you use your imagination, that wonderful gift God grants us that allows us to travel, in our mind, to places we've never experienced before yet dream about?

What do you see when you look at the above picture?

~ "more snow, darn it!"
~ paw prints in the newly fallen snow {bunny prints to be exact}
~ "I can't wait for winter to be over."

or...

Did you happen to notice the fairy wings laying in the snow, wings that are just waiting for their fairy to return from where ever she wandered off to? {you see, fairy wings are made of gossamer and silk with a dash of glitter for good measure; wings become soaked and sodden when fae frolic in the snow. Snow Fairies often leave their wings behind so they don't get wet and become a huge mess while they go, well, frolicking... engaging in mini snowball fights and fae-ish things of that nature.}

It's all about perspective. Since I bought my DSLR camera and started concentrating on learning more about photography I've learned something interesting about myself: I see the world through a camera lens. All the time.

Even when I don't have my camera slung over my shoulder or in my hand.

It's like this. The more pictures I take the more I notice beauty in the normal everyday world around me. The difference in perspective is a beautiful thing {except frustrating when I don't have my camera and miss a shot- which is why I'm also getting a new point and shoot to keep on me at all times. One never knows when she might happen upon a UFO, Elvis or Johnny Depp.}

No really. I once met Captain Jack Sparrow, er- I mean Johnny Depp, and didn't have my camera on me. Thank God for the nice folk next to me who e-mailed me their photos. But I digress.

Back to perspective. Often we find ourselves plodding through life, running really, tripping over our own two feet as we zip around unaware- never taking the time to stop and smell the roses. Never being in the Now. We have our faces stuck in our iphones, blackberries... texting and contacting and connecting, yet we let life pass us by while never really connecting with anything truly important. Never noticing the beauty in that single rose, never pausing to take a breath.

Never noticing that person sitting next to us on the train, or standing in line behind us at the store, who could have really used a smile and a simple hello.

Well now I do. Stop and smell the roses that is.

I don't just stop and smell the roses; I immerse myself in them. I take a moment to really inspect the roses. If it's first thing in the morning on a summer day I marvel at the way the dew hovers on the velvet petals like tiny teardrops. If it's afternoon, hot and lively so the insects have slipped from the stupor of the chilly night, then I wait until I spy a bumblebee as it flits from one flower to the next, its fat furry body dusted with pollen.

I notice how pretty the sunrise looks over Kennedy Avenue on my way to work in the morning, shimmering like diamonds on the river and reflecting off the Hammond Welcome Center. And the sunset- don't even get me started on the sunset! Everything looks gorgeous when awash in the golden light of the setting sun- in the photog world it's called "the sweet light." And sweet it is.

I took this photo in late fall 2010 when the evening air was crisp enough to wear a jacket; clean bright air {I was taking PJ for our nightly walk.} It was right before sunset and I couldn't resist the beauty of these hardy roses illuminated by the golden-peach light of the sun.

One day we'll be older, aged. Our eyes might begin to fail us, hearing could too. We'll have no need for cell phones, ipads, instant messaging or e-mail. But in our mind's eye we'll have our memories to reflect upon. Make sure your memories are vivid, untouched by the clutter of technology. Memories that are saturated with color and crystal clear, bathed in the light of the sunset.

My wish for all who read this blog is to take the time to stop and smell the roses. Slowwwww dowwwnnn. After you make Being In The Now a priority- then take the next step, looking at life through the eyes of a child {a future blog post.} Oh, speaking of children...

My son... the light of my life, lit by the same sunset as the roses.

..................................................................................

If all else fails, there's always Captain Jack Sparrow's view on life: "There are times, almost constantly perhaps, when I prefer to look at life through the bottom of a glass... of rum."

Yet even Jack understands the magic of a sunset...

"Ya Gotta Have Faith..."

Notice the bright spring colors in this unique pendant... robin's egg-blue and daffodil-yellow with a splash of purple and green for good measure. Tiny blue flowers on an accenting handmade lampwork bead {made by me,} and sparkling crystals. The blue ribbon is made of silk and hand-dyed {also by me.} The pendant is created of sheet metal that has been hand-cut, edges smoothed and distressed for interest, then stamped with the word "Faith" and dyed with inks.

In case I forgot to mention it, this necklace was made by me. In case you were wondering. With my own two hands. Yep, little ole' me.

This is a snappy little necklace that I guarantee will be a conversation piece, and it can be yours FREE!

Free? You heard me right, F-R-E-E free :) Just how, you might ask...

Well let me to tell you!

My last post described how much I'm looking forward to spring. I'd like to know what designates, to you, your first taste of spring. Is it that first balmy breeze {you know the one- it kisses your face when you walk outside- you breathe in and know it's just different than a cold winter wind, and you're happy *yes, it's one of my first tastes of spring*} that mixes with the melting snow, letting you know warmer weather is nipping right on its heels? Or that first tiny lime-green bud forming on the tip of a tree branch?

Whatever makes your realize, for the first time after a long drawn out winter, that spring is in the air- do share by posting a response and letting me know.

Why? I dunno- because I'm talkative and nosy, and who cares anyway! There could be a free prize in it for you!

* I will only perform this giveaway if I receive at least ten responses. So make sure to post!
* I will randomly pick an answer so no response is better or more clever than the next.
* A winner will be picked next Sunday, 1-23-11.
* I'll need people to pop back in next week so I can get the winner's information {and name since on here I mostly only know screen names!} to send the necklace.
* I do not accept bribes. Not even chocolate. So don't even think about it.

Well, if you really want to give me chocolate, we'll talk later ;)

Mmmmm... chocolate. Another of my favorite things!

And the winner of the Faith necklace is... Snowcap! Now I must hit all my sites to see who Snowcap really is {under her superhero disguise!} Update forthcoming :)